Anxiety. It has been the bane of my life. I want to trust, especially trust God; but yes, there is always a “but.” The truth is I get in the way. And you know there is no “I” in God. Why is it so hard to trust?
Enter my world. I am the fixer. I do things, get things done, solve problems. I am the big I am. Mistake number one. I am not. That is the fact of the matter. I am not God, the Creator of the Universe. I am just me with a big anxiety problem that desires that I mend everything, NOW.
And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. And he laid his right hand upon me, saying unto me, Fear not; I am the first and the last.
And it happened again recently. This time, Father God had to do something drastic to wake me up from my mess.
Let me tell you what happened. I knew my family needed extra income so I decided I would take matters into my own hands and do something about it. I applied for a job as a Care Support Worker. There is the problem. I jumped in all guns blazing. I can do this. Can you hear the I’s. Did I pray about it first – no. Mistake number two.
“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
The job required me to train then learn quickly on the job. Something I could have handled thirty years ago, dancing on the spot. Anxiety hit immediately. The classroom situation held horrors for me. I am almost 99% a visual learner. Auditory learning goes in one ear and out the other. I crumbled during this time. Yes, actually cried as words were hurled at me for eight hours.
My anxiety levels were over the limits, but I was going to do this. Having completed my training in the classroom, I was sent out into the district to aid the elderly in their homes. I sped from one client to another in a whirlwind, frightened I would mess up and forget something. When I got home, I went over the hours I had completed and with a fine toothbrush, dissected everything, worried about how I would cope doing the job.
There were things I couldn’t remember. Had I done this or that right? My mind went into overdrive. Did I ask for help? No. Mistake number three.
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”
In this anxiety driven stupor, I tried to do the everyday chores as well as work. God looked down and saw His daughter, dis at ease. My mind racing. Panic driven. Two weeks into the job, and having just hung out the washing, I ventured back indoors. The back door swung open, and I stepped outside to close it. In a daze. I stepped out and trod on the step. In a flash, I was on the ground, having only connected with half the step.
I knew I had done something to my ankle. My immediate thoughts were: I have to work tonight. This can’t be happening. So what did I do? I got up, limped indoors, and sat down. But my daughter needed picking up from her hospital job, so I drove over and collected her. All the time, my ankle throbbing, yelling at me to stop and take care of it.
Finally, I did. The result? A broken fibula. I asked the A&E professional could I go to work in the boot they put on it! He said no. What was I thinking? Mistake number four.
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
Two weeks later, I gave up trying to be superwoman. The ankle needed time to mend . . . and my mind, too. I felt trapped, miserable, at my inability to cope. As soon as I resigned my job, God took over. He had watched His daughter try to fix things, and in the end, resorted to drastic means to get my attention. “I have it in hand, My child. Be still and allow Me to be the I AM.”
Anxiety and how to break free when you are trapped.
These are my anxiety mistakes.
Mistake number one – I am not the big I am. This belief traps me into believing I am the solution.
Mistake number two – Leaping in without talking/praying to God never resolves anything.
Mistake number three – Believing I can handle all things without help is a trap designed to keep me thinking I can do all things myself.
Mistake number four – Not looking after myself and always trying to fix others, their problems, etc. That leads to dis ease. I worked out of fear.
“In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul.”
From the ashes of my broken pride, Father God has shown me a greater gift. His solution. I am thankful He intervened when I allowed my anxiety to drown me. And the solution?
God + prayer + submission = resurrection.
Father, I surrender my anxieties to you, take care of them for me. Amen.
And has He? Definitely. I am now rising from the waters, learning a new hobby, sewing my anxieties into His gown.
In what way has Father God shown you His solution? Did he have to resort to drastic action to get your attention?
Latest posts by Margaret Kazmierczak (see all)
- The Light will Set You Free from Darkness - May 21, 2019
- Anxiety and How to Break Free When You are Trapped - May 9, 2019
- Surrender and Allow God to Live in Your Life - April 5, 2019